Sunday, November 30, 2008

200 Questions

200. My middle name is: Mom

199. I was born on: December 22nd, 1988

198. I am a: passionate person.

197. My cell phone company: is from hell.

196. My eye color is: greenish blue.

195. My shoe size is: nine and a half.

194. My ring size is: eight and a half or nine.

193. My height is: 5'7.

192. I am allergic to: sulpha medicines, mangoes and shellfish.

191. I was born in: Waukesha, Wisconsin.

190. I live in: Hartland, Wisconsin.

189. The last book I read: The Creative Family.

187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: they like food.

186. I am glad I'm my sex because: i get to have babies and breastfeed.

179. My favorite Holiday is: Halloween.

177. The last three Cd's I bought are: I bought the Jason Mraz CD for a friend...otherwise I don't recall the last one.

176. Last song that made me cry was: can't remember

172. My most treasured possession(s) is(are): my crafty paraphernalia, my camera, my art books, my photographs, my mementos from my past.

170. What did you do last night: I went to my father's.

167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): tan.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::

143. Santa? Certainly. To an extent.

142. Love at first sight? No.

141. Luck? Yes.

14. Fate? For syre.

139. God? No.

138. Aliens? Yes.

137. Heaven? No.

136. Hell? No.

135. Ghosts? Yes.

134. Horoscopes? No.

135. Soulmates? To an extent.


:::::Which is Better?:::::

129. Hugs or Kisses? Lovingly full embracing hugs.

128. Drunk or High? Neither.

126. Red heads or Black hair: Black hair.

125. Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes.

124. Hot or cold: Warm and sunny.

123. Summer or winter: Summer.

122. Coffee or tea: Coffee

121. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate for sure

120. Night or Day: Day....even though I am a night owl.

119. Oranges or Apples: Honeycrisp apples

118. Curly or Straight hair: Curly. especially on boys.

:::::Here's What I Think About:::::

116. Abortion: 100% against.

115. Backstabbers: always get stabbed.

114. Parents: we're all trying...

110. School: should follow Waldorf and Montessori ideas.

::::Last time I:::

103. Kissed someone: Today.

102. Last time I hugged someone: Today.

101. Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: last week.

90. Who's the ditziest person I know: not sure.

89. Who makes you laugh the most: Madelyn.

87. One thing I'm mad about right now is: jealousy over other people's talents.

83. The last movie I saw in the theater was: I Can't Remember.

82. The thing I don't understand is: people who are opposed to gay marriage and why people don't support my natural lifestyle.

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: no.

79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: they are much less dramatic than we are, in general.

76. This summer I am: trying to focus on my art and becoming a Waldorfy mother.

75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Something I miss about living at home is, the lack of bills.

74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: everything.

73. Tomorrow: attempt to leave my apartment...in 10 inches of unplowed snow.

72. Today: I went to breakfast, to Michaels and did laundry.

70. Next Week: will be just like this week.

69. next Summer: perhaps getting pregnant again.

67. People call me: emily, em, mom

62. The person/people who know[s] the most about me is/are: Dan, Kristin, Coley, Alex

61. The person that can read me the best is: Kristin, Alex, Coley, Dan

60. The most difficult thing to do is: put down a craft.

53. The one person who can't hide things from me: Kristin, Coley.

51. Right now I am talking to: no one.

48. I have/will get a job at: a gas station.

47. I have these pets: 2 bettas and 2 cats. As well as a two year old and a 21 year old.

45. The worst sound in the world: an animal licking itself.

44. The person that makes me cry the most: myself.

39. My boy/girlfriend: is named Daniel.

35. Florida or hawaii: Hawaii.

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: still sitting at a merchants as all my clothes are liked the same.

32. My favorite sport is: capture the flag.

31. Last time I cried: a week ago, maybe.

28. The school I go to is: none existant.

27. Last person I got mad at: the neighbor.

26. My worst drinking experience: has yet to happen.

22. The all-time best movie is: The Illusionist

21. The all-time best thing in the world is: snuggling with my baby.

19. The most annoying thing ever is: when I run out of wool.

18. The most annoying person you know is: a coworker.

17. I lose all respect for people who: abort fetus's.

16. The movies I have cried at are: Moulin Rouge and The Notebook.

15. Closest friends Names: you know who you are.

14. TV show you watch: One Tree Hill, birthing shows, cooking shows, crafting shows, and Jon and Kate Plus 8. Oh, and 17 Kids and Counting, lol.

13. Favorite web site: craftster.org/facebook/MySpace/cafemom/Flikr

12. I want to be: a great wife and mother.

11. The worst pain I was ever in was: when I wasn't able to hold my daughter after her birth.

10. My favorite phrase: ?

9. My room has: too much stuff.

8. My favorite celebrity is: non existant.

5. My weakness is: my exhaustion

3. Who broke your heart: many people throughout my life.

2. I filled out 200 questions because: i was intrigued.

1. What do you regret most: Madelyn's hospital birth.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Strawberry Shortcake Cookies

Oh my goodness....these are DELICIOUS!!! Kristin made them and brought one over to me and I couldn't understand a cookie with fresh fruit in it. I ate it...and it was then lovingly renamed the "Orgasm Cookie". You have to try these!! You won't be disappointed, I promise. And if you are, feel free to ship them to me, I happily consume them for you.


Strawberry Shortcake Cookies

"Orgasm Cookies"

1 c. butter, softened 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar 1 egg 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. almond extract. 2 1/2-3 c. flour 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. cream of tartar 12-15 whole frozen strawberries 1/2 bag white choc. chips

Preheat oven to 375*

Mix together butter, powdered sugar, egg, and the extracts. Blend in flour, soda, and cream of tartar.

Cut up strawberries into small dices. Stir in chips and berries.

Roll spoonfuls of batter into balls (or use a neat little cookie scooper like Kristin) and place onto lightly greased cookie sheets. Bake 6-8 minutes or until edges slightly brown and lift from sheet. Let sit on sheet for 3 minutes. Transfer to cooling rack. Once completely cooled dust tops with powdered sugar.

Chicken Spinach Bake

Well, I have definitely done my share of cooking around here lately! It's been so fun trying out new recipes and having the satisfaction of a home-cooked meal. How about some Chicken Spinach Bake?? My family loved it! I was leary of the spinach, thinking it would be "spinachy" but it wasn't at all! It was very tasty and hearty. This recipe was adapted from here.

Chicken Spinach Bake

8 ounces uncooked rigatoni (1/2 the box)
Olive oil
1/2 an onion, chopped finely (more or less depending on how much you like onions)
1 10-ounce package frozen, chopped spinach, thawed
2-3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 14.5-ounce can Italian-style diced tomatoes (Oh my! Just now I just realized we completely forgot to add this!! Haha!!!)
1 8-ounce container chive and onion cream cheese (I suggest leaving it out on the counter for an hour or two to soften)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2-2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 375*

Prepare rigatoni according to package directions.

Meanwhile, cut chicken up into small, bite-sized pieces and cook (in a bit of olive oil) just until all sides are white. Set aside.

In the same pan, add more oil and sweat the onions until they soften and become translucent. Set aside.

Drain chopped spinach well, pressing between paper towels or squeezing with your hands.

Stir rigatoni, spinach, chicken, diced tomatoes, cream cheese, salt and peppertogether. Spoon mixture into baking dish, pressing down and sprinkle evenly with shredded mozzarella cheese.

Bake, covered, at 375* for 25 minutes. Uncover and bake 10 minutes more or until bubbly.

Serves 4 to 6.

I took the advice of the original author and served this with a green salad and some garlic bread.

Yum, it was sooo delicious!


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Copy Cat

I saw this on another women's blog and I thought it could be interesting...

I am: a mother, companion, artist, photographer, & crafter.

I think: too long and hard about things like childbirth and child rearing.

I know: how to make delicious breakfast casserole and chocolate chip cookies.

I want: to have another baby and a quaint wedding.

I have: so many things to be happy and feel blessed about.

I wish: my daughter would stop growing up.

I hate: when people don't understand natural living, especially natural childbirth.

I miss: babywearing.

I fear: never having another baby.

I feel: loved.

I hear: football.

I smell: the cinnamon in my shampoo.

I crave: lovin'.

I search: for good deals, crafting ideas, and recipes.

I wonder: when I'll get pregnant or married.

I regret: not having a natural childbirth and not breastfeeding. Read more.

I love: Madelyn, Daniel, my friends, my photography, my art, my crafts...and my kitchen. The internet, too.

I ache: in my belly.

I care about: natural living, natural childbirth, my family, my friends, my art.

I always: get backaches.

I am not: fake.

I believe: that love is always the answer and that you need to trust the process.

I dance: with my daughter around our house to songs like this.

I sing: really bad.

I don't always: exhibit patience.

I fight: when you disrespect me or are ignorant or hurt someone else.

I write: daily.

I win: at this game of life. Remember??

I lose: my clothes.

I never: want to live with regrets.

I confuse: people because I talk so much.

I listen: to everything.

I can usually be found: riiiight here.

I am scared: of snakes, deer, and people dying.

I need: my family, my friends, my art.

I am happy about: sooo many things.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Songs I love




Lyrics-

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

This isn't the actual video...can't find it...but here is one "version" I like anyways:



I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between needs a retention

I see you right in front of me as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave this daydream yet

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

I don't have to worry anymore
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection

I see it right in front of me
A vision in my head
And I know this is as real as a daydream gets

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

You make no sound but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends
Like the sea
Like you for me

And it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

My Idea Of Heaven


I never thought I'd get here
I was so far away
I didn't believe in love
Thought it was just a game people play
Everything changed when I met you
I touched your hand
You took my heart
And you led me to a better place
Just the two of us in the dark

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do

I never thought you'd get here
Why'd you make me wait?
But when I looked into your eyes
I recognized you were my fate
I'd been living in a lonely shell
With no windows to the world
How in God's name did you find
the lone star's loneliest girl?

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

In Heaven love is everywhere
There is no pain there are no tears
In Heaven love lasts forever
It doesn't disappear

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Cat Food Peppers

Note to self: Don't cook "stuffed green peppers" in the crock pot.

Ugghh...my belly aches.

I made 3 stuffed peppers last night and threw them into the crock in the fridge. I popped them in the warmer part this morning. I thought I was reaaaal slick prepping dinner like that since I had to work until 5 today.

*Gag*

The peppers are COMPLETE mush, bitter, and the meat...oh goodness. I feel like I just ate cat food. And the most bizarre thing?? It's all sticking to my teeth like cheap gum!! What in the world!!!

So...note to self...and to everyone else. Cook them in the oven. Or brown the meat first.

Yikes. This is one dinner that DEF. should have turned itself into take-out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Cooking

I have been baking almost all day...

I have made the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I've ever had, pumpkin bread, and banana bread. I'm not really sure why...the cookies were worth it but I don't feel like eating the rest.

I'm such a dork.

Kristin was baking across the hall, too. We bake "together" but not really together; it's fun. She's like me and has a super-stocked kitchen (Seriously, we may be considered "hoarders" by the government!!)...however she has something I don't have much of: spices! Well, when it came to the part of my pumpkin bread recipe where I add in a teaspoon of this spice, and a teaspoon of that spice, there I stood in front of my spice cupboard on my tippy-toes wondering what the heck I was going to do. I stood with a giant jar of ground cinnamon in one hand, allspice and pumpkin pie spice in the other. I pondered. And then grabbed my 1/2 teaspoon and 1/4 teaspoon and walked the 5 feet to Kristin's. I knew she'd be there for me, as always. She "borrowed" me the necessary nutmeg and clove and I went back the 5 feet to my apartment. I turned the knob. Locked. Balancing two measuring spoons full of spices in one hand, I tried to "coach" my mischievous little daughter through unlocking the door she had just locked. Needless to say, she did figure it out and let me in. Sheeesh....I think I'll be giving Kristin a spare key. I know I'll need it again.

In other news, I started my "Project 365" yesterday and well...I'm out of ideas. What the heck?? I took two photos this morning, both of which I like but they don't have the feel I'd like and don't describe the day I've had. We'll see...

Anyhoo....Would you like to make amazing chocolate chip cookies, too?? Here is the recipe:

Ingredients~

2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Directions~

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended.
Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy.
Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended.
Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon.
Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time onto the prepared cookie sheets.
Cookies should be about 3 inches apart.
Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted.
Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

They're SO tasty. Mine turned out huge but that's okay. The edges are nice and crisp while the insides are soft and chewy. This is def. my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe. Yay!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Smiley Soup

I was really grumpy today...until my soup smiled at me. I guess things will be okay after all.



And the ONLY reason I have a picture of my smiling soup is because my camera is always near me...and I can shoot left handed. Hehehe.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Pita Bread

Pita Bread



Whoop for me I made something from scratch!!
If you remember from this blog, "I want to cook all my meals from scratch and forget McDonald's existed. I want to cook better." Today I decided that I needed to do it...and today was the day! I found the recipe here. I loooove this blog. I've also made their pumpkin bread and while it didn't turn out as pretty as theirs, it sure was tasty and moist!!! YUM!

Back to the pitas, though. It was SO simple!! Madelyn had so much fun helping me with it all!! My nudist child insisted on wearing nothing but an apron...and I suppose that's okay.


If you're interested, head over to their blog and snag the recipe. I plan to make this weekly for breakfasts (stuff them with eggs) and lunches (stuff with sandwich ingredients, salads, etc.) They are GREAT!

Here are some more pictures from the day. I love taking pictures of my food...the "Bread and honey" girls would understand...hehe

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Song for Mady

There is a new commercial for the 'wedding' episode of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" as well as for their Monday night "family" lineup...and there is a very catchy tune in the background. Since the first time I listened to it...I knew I was in love.

After some quick searching, I hunted it down. Yup...this is my song with Madelyn.

I am such a dork!

Beautiful Life
by Fisher

Hey child up and go
-Big world is out there waiting for us to
live in every day

Outside you will find
there is love all around you
-Takes you, makes you wanna' say

That it's a beautiful life
and it's a beautiful world
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here, to be here

The sky's blue
-just us two
Side by side we'll see the world
that surrounds us
-Hey, seize the day

Each road - every mile's a photograph in motion
to astound us, carry us away

into a beautiful life
'Cause it's a beautiful world
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here

Leave all your cares behind you
The sun is rising
Turn around -it's right in front of you
and it's a beautiful life
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here, to be here

Beautiful Life - Fisher

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

True to YOU

Elle wants everyone to know:

"Follow your bliss, fill your cup, ENJOY WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE.

DON'T ARGUE.

Just LOVE you.

It's so easy, just ask ME! YOU are so EASY TO LOVE!"

Follow your bliss. Fill your cup. Enjoy who you are. Enjoy what you are. JUST LOVE YOU. It doesn't sound hard, now does it??? Since deciding to change over my life, I've been working on all those those messages and it's totally working. It hasn't been very easy but it's definitely helping me be a better person-the person I want to be.

*

I haven't spoken with my mother in one week. I miss her terribly bad and think about her constantly. My heart kind of aches because I'm not speaking with her but it's the fact that I doubt she's thinking of me as much that hurts...not the distance. While I don't plan on never talking to her again, I do plan on not allowing her to pull me down anymore. We are traveling down different paths and I love myself enough to accept that. I'm meant to be a mother, wife, artist, and birthing-obsessed women; she is not. Maybe someday we'll be able to travel down the paths together in peace and love. Maybe not. Either way, I'm trusting the process.

*

Same goes for my father. I love him with all my heart and always will. I will forever be thankful for the help and love he has given me. However, I love myself more. I have learned that we are two very different people and try as I might, I will never convince him I'm doing okay. I'm not the wealthy Republican daughter with a career. I'm the non-wealthy, non-political hippie-mom daughter with art infested life. I am not allowing his words to hurt me anymore. I'm not allowing him to bring me down. When he tells me I'm fat, I know I'm not. When he says I'm dumb for an idea, I know I'm not. When he tells me I'm wasting my time, I know I'm not. I'm making my life what I want it to be.


I am ME.


And I'm winning this game and I'm my own sort of successful. Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, that I'm not the daughter you asked for.


No, wait, I'm NOT sorry. I'm not sorry for following my bliss, filling my cup, enjoying who I am, enjoying what I am and just loving me.

...This is your loss.




Blessing??

1. My daughter telling me how much she loves me.

Maddy: *With arms thrown around my neck from the recliner behind me* "I love you MOM!"

Me: *With arms reaching behind to hug this adorable little creature I made* "I love you MADDY!"

Maddy: *From under her breathe and resumed position in her chair* "I love you MORE"

She is just so damn precious.

2. For my chiropractor.

Thanks, Mr. Dorn for the wonderful relief of the throbbing pain in my neck. Lets work on my upper back tomorrow, k??

3. For needlefelting.

4. For my wonderful Mom-in-law who truely understands and accepts me.

She is so helpful, so understanding, so respectful, so accepting. She loves and accepts me for ME.

5. For the massage I'm going to get when Dan gets home.


And Madelyn, "I love YOU MORE"

Dying Wool

With my newfound love of needlefelting, came a love for all things wool. I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! It still makes me itch but I'm still so in love! This love included dying. From the moment my "wool lady" told me I would have to dye it myself I was a mix of emotions: excitement over saying I did everything involved in the felting process (minus the raising and harvesting of the sheep/wool), apprehension over renting an apartment with white counters, sinks, walls, and flooring and curiousity over the concept of dying wool with Kool-aid. Emotions aside, I began my adventure. I went to the grocery store and grabbed 2 packets of each flavor...and threw it into my cart with nothing but all natural and organic foods. The checker thought I was crazy...I could see it in her eyes. "I'm dying wool, I wouldn't really use this for consumption!" I said with a giggle. She still thought I was crazy...

So, there I was in the middle of my kitchen....staring at a bajillion envelopes of artifical coloring...I mean Kool-aid.

Wool in one hand, and cookware in the other I winged it. I had read a handful of articles on how to accomplish this task but they were all so different so I winged it. And it worked!!!

Step #1:

Soak your wool in water. I used a "neutral" temperatured water for fear of felting. I left it sit in there for around 15 minutes.



Step #2:
I added 2 packets of Kool-aid into my glass "noodle-pot" and filled it up with water. One article mentioned it didn't matter the ratio of water to Kool-aid and that it mattered the ratio of Kool-aid to wool. This made sense to me and it worked out well. I put the concoction on the stove, added a blob or two of wool and stirred it around. I kept the water scalding hot, but not boiling for the entire process. It "sets" the dye from my understanding-and you do NOT need to use vinegar as the kool-aid has enough acid in it.




...And watched it. And watched it. And watched it. And watched it.
And the water around the wool went clear!!!


Step #3:
I drained the water and put the sopping wet wool into a metal bowl. After about 5 minutes I added water a little bit cooler than the wool itself (for fear of felting, again) and swooshed it around. The water continued to be clear when I squeezed the wool!! After a few rinsings I set my wool, spread out a bit, into the nearby dishpan.



Step #4:
I moved the wool to a towel on my kitchen table and continued to dry it. I pressed it down every now and then (taking GREAT care not to rub it at all...for fear of felting)



IT WORKED!!
I was so proud of myself!! I've been felting Madelyn little gnome or elf things with my dyed wool... and I'm so happy with the results!!

Here are some more pictures from my experience:


Black Cherry


I pulled out some of the "grape" wool early and some color did come out in the water...but the final color was just what I wanted.


I had Kool-aid envelopes all over the place.


I started to get better at dying more than one...hehe

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Needlefelting

Today I was able to get in touch with the wonderful lady who is going to supply me with my wool. I'm SO pleased to be able to begin crafting the raw material into beautiful little foods, animals and dolls. I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!!

There is something very, very soothing about needlefelting. I haven't figured out if it's because it's a sculptural (is that even a word???) art....an art that I completely crave but am worthless at?? Or is it because it is very natural and waldorf-y? Is it because I can make precious little moms nursing and wearing their children?? Is it the cuteness of it all? The softness? Is it the repetitive jabbing into something that is calming? What about the pretty colors? The intense concentration I am able to give it. Is it all of that in a too-adorable-for-words fur sculpture?? That must be it!

I would really like to finish a precious collection of foods, dolls and a few treasures for my beautiful daughter by Christmas. I think there is no better gift than one made with love, and what's better than a mother's love?? Speaking of love, and making things with love, I would really like to see an Etsy store open up in my future to sell the before-mentioned needlefelted creations. I want to share them with people and spread the...love.

"Sell your ideas - they are totally acceptable."
...Apparently and iGoogle "Fortune Cookie" agrees! (Sweet!)





I'm continuing to think about the situations I'm in with my parents...namely my mother. We haven't spoken since I hung up on her that day....Thursday or Friday maybe? That's a long time for us.

I'm just at a loss. I'm so tired of living my life the way she would want me to. I'm so tired of trying to make her happy when she must not be happy with herself. I want to live my life for me! I want to do what I want to make me happy. I only live once.

I want to be the mother of many children.
I want to be a wife.
I want to be an artist and photographer.
I want to craft, create and teach.
I want to learn.
I want to speak my mind, and be heard.
I want to nurture, and love.

I want to do these things for me. For my happiness. This is my bliss...and I'm going to follow it because, remember,

I'M WINNING AT THIS GAME OF LIFE.

I researched a bit more about becoming a doula. It is solidifying my goals in my head and I am able to sort through what sorts of "services" I think I might enjoy offering. Massage and postpartum care are definites!

I think I'd like to have one more baby before I make the leap and begin my studies. I feel there are no better ways to learn something, than to do it yourself. Not to mention, I don't want to feel the guilt and tension between my relationship with Baby and being a doula. I know I will make a great doula, whether I start tomorrow or in a few years. I'm really looking forward to that as well!!!

Hmmm....I think that's just about it for the day. I have a big day tomorrow, so I'm off to bed.

With Love,
Emily

PostSecret.....my secret

Have you ever heard of PostSecret? I came across it when I first watched the All American Reject's song, "Dirty Little Secrets".
For your listening enjoyment:


I love this art project (and that song...I bet you would too!!!

Mr. Frank Warren has a few books:
My Secret
The Secret Lives of Men and Women
A Lifetime of Secrets
PostSecret: Extraordinary Secrets from Extraordinary Lives (Out Nov. 4th!!)

I highly recommend you take a look. I find that these books leave you with a handful emotions but most of all, you realize you are not alone. We all have our secrets, we all have our quirks. We are all different and that's okay!

Here are a few:




On the back of this card it reads: "Fuck it. I'm going to apply to Art School. You only live once."



















Find PostSecret here and here and here.




Saturday, November 1, 2008

Why a Homebirth???

I came across the following information here. Thanks to the writers behind BirthSpirit for writing it!

Why Choose Homebirth?

Giving birth naturally can be an experience of transformation and empowerment for everyone involved, and yet the intensity of the process can be challenging for many women. The key to a birth that is both healthy and minimally painful is the ability to relax, as it allows the spontaneous rhythms of labor to progress without interference. The greatest obstacle is fear, for it generates tension and resistance and makes coping with contractions more difficult. In general, the more relaxed the mother, the easier the birth.

Mothers birth best where they feel the most comfortable. For many healthy, low-risk mothers, home provides a supportive and safe environment in which to give birth. Moreover, when a newborn baby is perceived to be a conscious, cognizant being, the manner in which he/she is born can have far reaching effects both psychologically and spiritually. In the privacy and sanctity of home, a mother can surround herself with those she loves and trusts. Assisted by capable, experienced practitioners, the family has more freedom to create the experience they desire and welcome their new child with love and dignity.

"Where would all the specialists and producers of medical technology and drugs be if it were suddenly 'discovered' that when women eat well in pregnancy, eliminate drugs and stop substance abuse, almost all complications disappear?" - Anne Frye

Advantages for Mother

  • Childbirth has the potential to be a profound, life-transforming experience for the woman, one which may facilitate emotional healing, strengthen and deepen her relationships to all aspects of herself--with far reaching effects to her children, her mate and family members.
  • She is not subjected to routine procedures such as continuous electronic fetal monitoring, IVs, and episiotomy.
  • She can eat, drink, walk, and rest freely, working with her own natural body rhythms.
  • She has continuous care with the same attendant throughout the prenatal, labor, delivery and postpartum periods, facilitating trust and competent decision-making based on process as an individual.
  • She is more likely to deliver without drugs, vacuum extractors or cesarean section when supported by caregivers who feel that birth is a normal physiological function.
  • The woman and baby have less risk of infection in her own home.
  • She is free to explore a variety of creative birthing options such as waterbirth, birthing stools, delivery positions like squatting or hands and knees, and may utilize comfort measures like candles, incense, inspiring music, and aromatherapy.
  • She is less likely to experience postpartum depression when she has not been separated from her baby. In addition, when childbirth takes place at home, it becomes an integral part of family life, with father and/or siblings able to participate in as complete and appropriate a manner as possible. This assists postpartum adjustment for all family members.
Advantages for Baby
  • The baby's experience at birth can be made as gentle and loving as possible, and routine procedures such as deep suctioning, bright lights and artificial warming can be avoided unless medically necessary.
  • The healthy baby remains with the mother, preserving the mother-infant bonding so crucial to the development of attachment parenting.
  • The baby is more likely to be born vaginally without breathing difficulties so often associated with anesthetics and cesarean birth.
  • Breastfeeding is easier to establish when the baby can nurse on demand, and the mother is given immediate encouragement and instruction in proper technique.
  • Baby is less likely to develop an infection at home.

SAFETY OF HOMEBIRTH

There have been a number of clinical studies on the safety of homebirth for normal, low-risk women receiving good prenatal care. Practically all of them show that homebirth is either as safe, or safer, than hospital birth - for low risk, healthy pregnant women with normal pregnancies. The main study describing homebirth as more dangerous is a study that was done by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in 1978 called "Health Department Data Shows Danger of Homebirths." This study included all out-of-hospital births, including unattended births in the home, births en route to the hospital, mothers who may have been high risk, had received no prenatal care, and babies who were pre-term. This factor, which skewed the results, was not widely acknowledged. In fact, this report also included miscarriages in its data showing the risks of homebirth. Clearly, this report is not representative of the kind of homebirth that midwives are offering. And interestingly enough, it seems to be the ONLY study that showed homebirth to be less safe than hospital birth, although many studies have tried.

To read more about the safely of homebirth with skilled midwives,
read The Five Standards for Safe Childbearing, by David Stewart, Ph.D. It cites study after study that detail the statistics that prove the safety of midwife-attended homebirth

Home Birth and Out-of-Hospital Birth: Is it Safe?
How Safe is that Hospital Anyway?

Information compiled by Jennifer L. Griebenow 4/97

In the past, most Americans were born at home with lay midwives attending. The mortality rate for both mothers and babies was higher in 1900, at 700 maternal deaths per 100,000 births, than it is now. Babies also died at a significantly higher rate at that time, which decreased to 28.9 births per thousand by 1960. Obstetricians tend to emphasize that many women used to die in childbirth, implying that we should be grateful for current obstetric practice. However, even in 1900, the percent of women who died giving birth was only 7/10ths of one percent! One has to wonder how this percentage compares with our country's current cesarean section rate of 22%.

Are the surgeries performed on these mothers actually saving them from imminent death? Maternal and infant mortality are lower now than they were 40 years ago. But the assumption that hospital birth is safer for mother and baby has never been supported. Prenatal care, better nutrition, antibiotics and blood transfusion have played more of a part in the relative safety of birth now. Sheila Kitzinger, British childbirth expert, states that planned home birth with an experienced lay midwife has a perinatal death rate of 3-4 babies per 1,000 births. Hospital births, by contrast, carry a perinatal mortality rate of 9-10/1,000. [Perinatal death rates include fetal deaths on and after 28 weeks gestation, whereas neonatal mortality rates only include deaths occurring in the first 28 days after.)A study in Australia found a perinatal mortality rate of 5.9/1,000 out of 3400 planned home births.

  • Joseph C. Pearce states in his landmark book Evolution's End that homebirthed babies have a six to one better chance of survival than a hospital-birthed child.
  • A study in the Netherlands done in 1986 on women who were having their first babies showed these results: out of 41,861 women who delivered in the hospital, the perinatal mortality rate was 20.2/1,000. Of 15,031 women who delivered at home with a trained midwife, the rate was 1.5/1,000 . I know, I thought it must be a typo too.
  • Marsden Wagner, formerly of the World Health Organization, states that every country in the European Region that has infant mortality rates better than the US uses midwives as the principal and only attendant for at least 70% of the births. He also states that the countries with the lowest perinatal mortality rates in the world have cesarean section rates below 10%. How does this compare with the US rate? Miserably.

Cesarean section and hospital birth is not doing for women and their newborns what doctors and hospitals claim it is! Ask for statistics and studies when your doctor claims hospital birth is safer than planned (not accidental, unattended) home birth. He will be unable to provide them. If your doctor says, "That's common knowledge," you would be wise to seek another health care provider. If you can find studies that claim hospital birth is safer, you will find that they included deaths occurring in unplanned, unattended births that occurred at home, rather than comparing normal, low-risk women. And more often than not, the study will have been funded by (guess who?) ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians & Gynecologists). Other studies:

  • Lewis Mehl did a study comparing home and hospital birth with mothers from California and Wisconsin with matched populations of 2,092 mothers for each group. Midwives and family doctors attended the homebirths; OB-GYNs and family doctors attended hospital births. Within the hospital group, the fetal distress rate was 6 times higher. Maternal hemorrhage was 3 times higher. Limp, unresponsive newborns arrived 3 times more often. Neonatal infections were 4 times as common. There were 30 permanent birth injuries caused by doctors.
  • Dr. Mehl did another study comparing 1,046 home births with 1,046 hospital births. The groups were matched for age, risk factors, etc. There was no difference in infant mortality. None! However the hospital births caused more fetal distress, lacerations to the mother, neonatal infections and so on. There was a higher rate of forceps and C-section delivery and nine times as many episiotomies.
  • o Robert C. Goodlin reported in the Lancet on 1,000 births, half occurring in a hospital, half in a birth center. There were no IVs, monitors or anesthesia used in the birth center, but the babies were born in better condition. Besides that, three times as many cesareans were performed in the hospital.
  • In 1982, Anita Bennett and Ruth Lubic evaluated 2000 births that had happened in 11 freestanding birth centers. The neonatal death rate was 4.6/1,000. The authors were denied information on low-risk women delivering in hospitals. One wonders why....
  • A British research statistician, Marjorie Tew, did long term studies of the safety of birth in various settings during the 1980s. She found that among a sample of 16,200 births, the perinatal mortality rate was lower for out-of-hospital births, even for very high-risk mothers! At a relatively high-risk level, perinatal mortality was three times higher in hospital. Tew then expanded her research by using information from the Netherlands, a nation where both obstetricians and midwives practice. The perinatal mortality rate was ten times higher in the hospital births there, even though the risk status of the mothers at the time of delivery was not much higher than that of mothers who chose midwives.
  • In the Netherlands, which has a significantly lower infant mortality rate than ours, the C-section rate is 7%. The episiotomy rate is 6%, whereas ours is as high as 90%. Midwives attend most of the births in the Netherlands. (Midwives tend to allow time for the woman's tissues to stretch and to use perineal massage, warm compresses, and good head flexion to avoid both episiotomies and tearing; hence the lower Netherlands rate.)
  • In 1988, the US ranked 19th among industrialized nations for low infant mortality rates. By comparison, Sweden, where all mothers receive midwifery care, even when they are high risk and may also require physician care, ranked second.
  • Between 1978 and 1985, licensed midwives in Arizona had a perinatal mortality rate of 2.2/1,000 and a neonatal mortality rate of 1.1/1,000. o In Madera County Hospital in California, where there is a transient, high-risk population, midwives did the best job. In 1959, when doctors did the deliveries the neonatal mortality rate was 23.9/1,000. During 1960-1963, midwives had a rate of 10.3/1,000. When OBGYNs took over again in 1964, the rate skyrocketed to 32.1/1,000.

In A Good Birth, A Safe Birth, Diana Korte and Roberta Scaer quote Tew, the research statistician, who says, "The danger of home as a place of birth does not lie in its threat to the healthy survival of mothers and babies, but in its threat to the healthy survival of obstetricians and obstetric practice".

Another factor that is important in making the choice about where to give birth may surprise you. It makes common sense, but has also been documented by several studies. Women who give birth in a hospital are much more likely to experience postpartum depression or even post traumatic stress disorder. Kitzinger states that the more interventions a woman experiences, the more likely she is to be depressed, with C-sections obviously carrying the greatest risk of depression. She quotes 5 or 6 studies documenting the effects of this "institutional violence." Aidan McFarlane, a British physician, notes that while 68% of hospital mothers experience postpartum depression, only 16% of home birth mothers do. On The Farm, a self-contained, alternative lifestyle community in Tennessee, the rate of postpartum depression was .03 percent. Almost all mothers on the Farm had both a homebirth and a supportive, loving community of women to assist them postpartum. Avoiding depression, in itself, would be a major reason for mothers to consider giving birth in their own homes, if that is where they are most comfortable, especially if they had previously experienced postpartum depression and thus were at high risk for a repeat episode.

Aspects of hospital birth that may strongly contribute to the incidence of postpartum depression in our country are the way the moment of birth is handled and the routine separation of baby and mother. In a study that appeared in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1972, Marshall Klaus, the "bonding" expert, found that holding the baby close released "dormant intelligences" in the mother and caused "precise shifts of brain functioning and permanent behavior changes". In other words, bonding is not just an emotional thing that only mothers think happens. It is a biochemical process that forever changes the mother, so that she knows more instinctively how to relate to her baby. In the hospital, baby cannot see mom with all the bright lights and is often inspected and observed for several hours before mother can hold it for any length of time. This is not to say love can't make up for this loss, but motherhood might come easier if we had those natural body changes to help us.

Then babies are still routinely kept in the nursery, if not most of the time, at least part of the time. The routine separation of mom and infant makes baby frightened and mom depressed. This may be why postpartum depression and difficult adjustments are so common in the US and rare elsewhere. Japan moved from midwifery to obstetrical handling of births approximately 25 years ago. When older Japanese recently asked Joseph Pearce why their mothers no longer "know what to do with their children," one has to wonder how much the new hospital setting has to do with it.

Most homebirth studies also show a significantly lower rate of C-section than hospitals have. Most stats show a rate between 1-5% for planned homebirths, with the above-quoted lower mortality rates as well. Cesarean sections themselves carry a far greater risk of additional illness or death than most people realize. They have become so routine in our society that everyone feels "It's no big deal." However, C-sections carry a 2 to 4 times greater risk of death than do vaginal deliveries (Boston Women's Health Book Collective). Several studies on the risk of death from the surgery alone (i.e. factoring out the conditions the surgery was done for) have shown varying, yet consistently depressing, results. Errard and Gold found with eleven years of statistics that the risk of death from cesarean section was 26 times greater than from vaginal birth. Cohen and Estner also cite a study done in Georgia showing a maternal death rate of 59.3 per 100,000 women who had cesarean section versus 9.7/100.000 for women who delivered vaginally. A California study showed a maternal death rate 2-3 times greater from C-section. Korte and Scaer state that obstetricians admit a maternal death rate four to six times higher with cesareans, and add that many believe the rate is higher, giving 1 in 1,000 as the true odds of death for a c-section mother.


"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful.
It's that women are strong."

Laura Stavoe Harm