Screw You Christmas

Okay, while this is going to sound like I am angry at the world (and maybe I am) I don't know what else to do. I feel like I need to vent. Too many people keep asking me what I want for Christmas and while I appreciate the thought and all...

...I don't know what to tell you.

I'm sure I would scare you if I told you what I really want.

I want more love. More happiness. Just smile. I'm so freakin' sick and tired of people acting like their lives really suck just as much as the next person. Because they don't.

This little child's life sucks.

You have so much. APPRECIATE IT. Realize what you have and make the best of it. And if your life really does suck as much as some of you act-change it. Venting is one thing, whining is annoying.

I want people to take the extra 2 seconds to RECYCLE. If I have to pull one more recyclable out of the garbage-especially in MY home because some of you people are SO FUCKING LAZY I may just hit you with it. (Do you understand friends of Dan?!?!?!)

I want my daughter to go one day without pitching a fit, and for her to still be small enough to breastfeed, babywear, and co sleep. I want her to stay this little forever. I never want her to feel pain, see me fight with Dan, and to experience pure joy every day of her life. I want her to tell me, "I love you" every single minute of every day. I want the moment where we are laying in bed together, snuggled close to never end. I want her to put her hand on my cheek and tell me, "Momma, you so cute" just one more time. I never want her to question whether or not I love her with every fiber of my being. I never want to think she is anything but first on my list.

I want one day with Dan, and to be unimaginably happy all day with him. To have him not leave for Nick/Pat/WHOEVER THE FUCK HE GOES AND SEES, one fucking day. And for him to actually be happy he is with me. To act like this family is what he wants. I just want him to be happy...and for him to do housework without being asked 15 times.

I want someone to call my home phone NOT looking for Dan, NOT trying to sell me something, NOT looking for Cathrine Abooda.

I want one day at work where all my customers leave happy, my boss is happy and all us coworkers get along beautifully with no frustrations and grudges.

I want my house to clean itself one day. Just give me a break for one day. No overflowing garbage, clean dishes, no clutter, clean floors. Just a break, one day.

I want the hours in the day to be extended to 30. Seriously. There are never enough hours. I want more.

I want my Betta fish to look more healthy....and for them to feed themselves and clean their own containers. And for the cats to do the same.

I want a house for my family. I want them to have the beautiful homes I see in the Waldorf books and on the different blogs. The ones with vintage fabrics, handmade toys...lots of room to grow, learn, and change. To have a garden, compost pile, worm box, and room to stretch my legs. I want a swing. And a banging wall for my children.



I want to have the room to do the crafts my mind imagines. To have brightly painted walls, with murals. I want to give my 2 year old a paint brush and ask her to paint her wall. She deserves these things, I deserve these things.

I want some sheep. I'm not kidding. And with the sheep, I want a yarn spinning thingy majigger, a great supply of felting needles, foam hunks, dyes, knitting needles. And the 30 hours a day to do all this fiber art stuff.

About 3 more arms and a stretchy body to be in more places at once would be super, as well.

I want to spend the day with the friends I haven't seen in so long. I want to have the time and energy to call my best friends and talk for an hour every single night about our days. I miss my Wednesdays with Coley, and I want more time with Kristin. More time to take pictures just because we can. I want to spend the day at the Renn Faire with Alex like the other times, playing Mancala.

I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to homeschool my Mady and to spend my days playing dolls, dress up, kitchen and finger painting. I want to wake up to her smiling face everyday and know what we have the entire day ahead to play. Inside, outside, at the table, in the woods...anywhere because it's just us two and we have all the time we need. The time that she needs.

I want someone to just drop a baby (or kid of ANY age) off at my door and say they're all mine to love, cherish, educate and raise. I don't even care who they are or what they want or need. I just want more children to love and mother. I can't sleep at night I want more children so bad. Foster, adopt, fall from the sky, I don't care. I wish adoption wasn't about money. SO many kids without homes....and I can't even help them, I can't love them and give them a home. Even though I'm not alone, I feel like no other person on this earth has wanted to surround herself with children as much as I do right this minute.

I want someone close to me to NOT have a C-Section....instead, a homebirth, a completely natural birth. I want someone around me to NOT look at me like I just ate a worm when I mention Lotus birth. I want someone to get it. I feel like no one close to me gets it. Someone pleeease get it.

I want people to stop ignoring the fact that global warming does exist. I want people to do their part. This is my daughter's world-your children's world-that YOU are fucking up. Yes, YOU do make a difference. Each day it becomes more difficult to not say something when people ignorantly say, "yeah, like one bag or bottle makes a difference." Okay....we'll ALL just use 1 bag.........that's a lot of freakin' bags. Just stop already. It's not hard to "live green".

I want people to stop acting so stupid when I offer a solution as far as healthy products....don't mock me for my all natural cleaning products and soaps. YOU are the one putting something that has been proven more than one time to harm you on your largest organ. And NO, just because the FDA or whoever approves of it, doesn't mean it's safe. I do it because I care about you, not to be a bitch. And if it's about money....that's crap because 1 bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap is lasting me forever and Lush shampoo bars last for months. And vinegar and baking soda are DIRT CHEAP.

I want Prairie Hill Waldorf school to NOT be $7,000 a year so that I would have half-starve to send my kids there. I would never forgive myself to not respect them enough to send them to what I feel is by far the best possible place to grow and mature into an adult. So I wish they would just lower their price.

Scratch that last one, I want ALL SCHOOLS to become Waldorf schools. Period.

I want organic food to be the only food variety.

I want cigarettes and alcohol to GO AWAY. And for them to leave the lives of my loved ones.

I want everyone to believe in Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, elves, gnomes, and St. Nick because life is serious enough....can't we have SOME fun and SOME imagination in our lives???? And I don't want anyone to piss in my daughter's I-Believe-In-Santa-Cheerios. It's more than just pretend...it's faith.

I want my mother in law to stop shoving her Mormon-ism down my baby's throat. I'm Wiccan....knock it off. I'm glad my kid tells you, "Soon. Eat First." when you ask her to pray over her food. And on this topic, I want Dan to cleanse his body of the frustrations, regrets, angers, and angst he feels towards religion and let me raise my daughter as the Wiccan I want her to be.

I want people to stop killing people in the name of their religion and for the seperation between us all to go away. And I want the ridiculous misconceptions of Wicca to disappear. I'm SO tired of hiding my religion because I'm just too tired to fight back. I don't worship the devil, I don't have a wand or a broom. I don't fly, make "brews" or eat small children. And YES, I celebrate Christmas and Easter.

I want world peace.

End world hunger.

I want the war to stop.

And for people to be nice to each other. Smile. Remember, LOVE IS THE ANSWER.

And I want gay marriage to be legal and for all you closed minded jackass's to step in dog poop. Marriage is about LOVE, not gender.

I want my parents to get along, and to forgive them for the pain I went through during THEIR divorce. I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce...and I was the one who suffered the most. I want my heart to repair itself so I can stop thinking about it.

I want to rewind time and hug my dog one more time before he died. Or, better yet, I want him to live forever.

I want the people in my live to just forgive me already for becoming a mom so young. This was my destiny...sorry I fucked up YOUR life so much. I still don't get it.

I don't want to be so flippin' tired everyday. Or to be able to nap.

And lastly, I want that bullshit bill about toys and lead to go away. I want to sell my felted things to families so their children can love them as much as mine does. ...And there is NO LEAD in them, thank you very much. (Because remember, I'm going to have my own sheep and I will ensure they aren't lead sheep. I promise.)

There you go. THAT'S what I want for Christmas.

Better get shopping.

MY kind of holiday poem

Twas the Night Before Solstice
By Kristie Burns
http://www.thedreamangels.com/
http://www.earthschooling.com/

'Twas the night before Solstice
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even our pet mouse

Knitted wool stockings
were hung with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there

The children were tucked
in organic cotton sheets,
The air filter blocking
pollution from the streets.

While mama stayed up
to make handmade gifts
I co-slept with the kids
and watched auras shift.

When out in the herb garden
arose such a clatter
I sprung out of our futon
to see what was the matter!

Away to the solar panels
I flew like a flash.
They took me hours to install,
I hoped they hadn't crashed.

The crystals we'd laid out
to absorb the moonlight
Sparkled like fairydust
and blocked my sight.

When, what to my
wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh
without any reindeer.

At that moment I knew
that the little old man
Had received my last letter
so bold and so grand

Could you stop using reindeer?
Last year I wrote him,
And enclosed
with the note a PETA pin.

As he neared the house
in his all-wooden sleigh
I noticed it was powered
by wheatgrass and hay.

Ostheimer! Kinderkram!
Stockmar! Fair Trade!
Don't bother landing
if the toys aren't handmade!

"Hey Arriana," I called
to my wife with chagrin,"
With that body mass
do you think he's vegetarian?"

She paused only a moment
from her crafting and said,
"One moment dear!
I'm shaping this gol-darn Waldorf doll's head!"

On our roof I strained
to hear the ole boy
But I'd recently
insulated it with soy.

So I drew in my hand
and was turning around,
When in through the front door
came St. Nick with a bound.

The Advent wreath
had caught in his hair
As I said, "Why in the world
did you enter from THERE?"

The soot in your chimney
contains poisons galore.
You should consider
the environment more.

But he was dressed in fur
from his head to his foot
So I said, "Look whose
talking about my soot!"

A bundle of felt he had
flung on his back.
"I hope you like handiwork,"
he said with a laugh.

His eyes - how they twinkled!
His dimples were treats!
His cheeks reminded me
of when I dye silk with beets.

He must be of the
choleric type I mused.
It's a good thing with
lavender the stockings I infused.

With his fur boots
he slipped on the bamboo wood floor.
I offered him Arnica and
then closed the front door.

After all that I'd paid
to the energy company this year
I didn't want one bit of
that cold air in here.

He had a broad face
and a little round belly
I asked him,
"Have you seen your naturopath lately?"

He was so chubby and plump
I worried for his health
But I laughed when I saw him
in spite of myself.

He spoke not a word,
but went straight to task,
Needle-felting dragons
and weaving a mask.

He knitted a pure cotton sweater
and two pairs of mittens,
Then picked up a knife
and carved 2 wood kittens.

He finger-knitted
an entire nativity scene.
With the most amazing skill
I'd ever seen!

When he sprang
from his seat on the floor and arose
I yelled, "Arianna - watch -
there he goes!"

With the unfinished doll
she was struggling to sew,
Arriana went to watch
him out the window.

And I heard him exclaim
as he drove out of sight!"
Arriana, my dear,
the stiches are too tight!"

200 Questions

200. My middle name is: Mom

199. I was born on: December 22nd, 1988

198. I am a: passionate person.

197. My cell phone company: is from hell.

196. My eye color is: greenish blue.

195. My shoe size is: nine and a half.

194. My ring size is: eight and a half or nine.

193. My height is: 5'7.

192. I am allergic to: sulpha medicines, mangoes and shellfish.

191. I was born in: Waukesha, Wisconsin.

190. I live in: Hartland, Wisconsin.

189. The last book I read: The Creative Family.

187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: they like food.

186. I am glad I'm my sex because: i get to have babies and breastfeed.

179. My favorite Holiday is: Halloween.

177. The last three Cd's I bought are: I bought the Jason Mraz CD for a friend...otherwise I don't recall the last one.

176. Last song that made me cry was: can't remember

172. My most treasured possession(s) is(are): my crafty paraphernalia, my camera, my art books, my photographs, my mementos from my past.

170. What did you do last night: I went to my father's.

167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): tan.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::

143. Santa? Certainly. To an extent.

142. Love at first sight? No.

141. Luck? Yes.

14. Fate? For syre.

139. God? No.

138. Aliens? Yes.

137. Heaven? No.

136. Hell? No.

135. Ghosts? Yes.

134. Horoscopes? No.

135. Soulmates? To an extent.


:::::Which is Better?:::::

129. Hugs or Kisses? Lovingly full embracing hugs.

128. Drunk or High? Neither.

126. Red heads or Black hair: Black hair.

125. Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes.

124. Hot or cold: Warm and sunny.

123. Summer or winter: Summer.

122. Coffee or tea: Coffee

121. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate for sure

120. Night or Day: Day....even though I am a night owl.

119. Oranges or Apples: Honeycrisp apples

118. Curly or Straight hair: Curly. especially on boys.

:::::Here's What I Think About:::::

116. Abortion: 100% against.

115. Backstabbers: always get stabbed.

114. Parents: we're all trying...

110. School: should follow Waldorf and Montessori ideas.

::::Last time I:::

103. Kissed someone: Today.

102. Last time I hugged someone: Today.

101. Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: last week.

90. Who's the ditziest person I know: not sure.

89. Who makes you laugh the most: Madelyn.

87. One thing I'm mad about right now is: jealousy over other people's talents.

83. The last movie I saw in the theater was: I Can't Remember.

82. The thing I don't understand is: people who are opposed to gay marriage and why people don't support my natural lifestyle.

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: no.

79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: they are much less dramatic than we are, in general.

76. This summer I am: trying to focus on my art and becoming a Waldorfy mother.

75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Something I miss about living at home is, the lack of bills.

74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: everything.

73. Tomorrow: attempt to leave my apartment...in 10 inches of unplowed snow.

72. Today: I went to breakfast, to Michaels and did laundry.

70. Next Week: will be just like this week.

69. next Summer: perhaps getting pregnant again.

67. People call me: emily, em, mom

62. The person/people who know[s] the most about me is/are: Dan, Kristin, Coley, Alex

61. The person that can read me the best is: Kristin, Alex, Coley, Dan

60. The most difficult thing to do is: put down a craft.

53. The one person who can't hide things from me: Kristin, Coley.

51. Right now I am talking to: no one.

48. I have/will get a job at: a gas station.

47. I have these pets: 2 bettas and 2 cats. As well as a two year old and a 21 year old.

45. The worst sound in the world: an animal licking itself.

44. The person that makes me cry the most: myself.

39. My boy/girlfriend: is named Daniel.

35. Florida or hawaii: Hawaii.

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: still sitting at a merchants as all my clothes are liked the same.

32. My favorite sport is: capture the flag.

31. Last time I cried: a week ago, maybe.

28. The school I go to is: none existant.

27. Last person I got mad at: the neighbor.

26. My worst drinking experience: has yet to happen.

22. The all-time best movie is: The Illusionist

21. The all-time best thing in the world is: snuggling with my baby.

19. The most annoying thing ever is: when I run out of wool.

18. The most annoying person you know is: a coworker.

17. I lose all respect for people who: abort fetus's.

16. The movies I have cried at are: Moulin Rouge and The Notebook.

15. Closest friends Names: you know who you are.

14. TV show you watch: One Tree Hill, birthing shows, cooking shows, crafting shows, and Jon and Kate Plus 8. Oh, and 17 Kids and Counting, lol.

13. Favorite web site: craftster.org/facebook/MySpace/cafemom/Flikr

12. I want to be: a great wife and mother.

11. The worst pain I was ever in was: when I wasn't able to hold my daughter after her birth.

10. My favorite phrase: ?

9. My room has: too much stuff.

8. My favorite celebrity is: non existant.

5. My weakness is: my exhaustion

3. Who broke your heart: many people throughout my life.

2. I filled out 200 questions because: i was intrigued.

1. What do you regret most: Madelyn's hospital birth.

Strawberry Shortcake Cookies

Oh my goodness....these are DELICIOUS!!! Kristin made them and brought one over to me and I couldn't understand a cookie with fresh fruit in it. I ate it...and it was then lovingly renamed the "Orgasm Cookie". You have to try these!! You won't be disappointed, I promise. And if you are, feel free to ship them to me, I happily consume them for you.

Strawberry Shortcake Cookies
"Orgasm Cookies"

1 c. butter, softened 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar 1 egg 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. almond extract. 2 1/2-3 c. flour 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. cream of tartar 12-15 whole frozen strawberries 1/2 bag white choc. chips

Preheat oven to 375*

Mix together butter, powdered sugar, egg, and the extracts. Blend in flour, soda, and cream of tartar.

Cut up strawberries into small dices. Stir in chips and berries.
Roll spoonfuls of batter into balls (or use a neat little cookie scooper like Kristin) and place onto lightly greased cookie sheets. Bake 6-8 minutes or until edges slightly brown and lift from sheet. Let sit on sheet for 3 minutes. Transfer to cooling rack. Once completely cooled dust tops with powdered sugar.

Chicken Spinach Bake

Well, I have definitely done my share of cooking around here lately! It's been so fun trying out new recipes and having the satisfaction of a home-cooked meal. How about some Chicken Spinach Bake?? My family loved it! I was leary of the spinach, thinking it would be "spinachy" but it wasn't at all! It was very tasty and hearty. This recipe was adapted from here.

Chicken Spinach Bake

8 ounces uncooked rigatoni (1/2 the box)
Olive oil
1/2 an onion, chopped finely (more or less depending on how much you like onions)
1 10-ounce package frozen, chopped spinach, thawed
2-3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 14.5-ounce can Italian-style diced tomatoes (Oh my! Just now I just realized we completely forgot to add this!! Haha!!!)
1 8-ounce container chive and onion cream cheese (I suggest leaving it out on the counter for an hour or two to soften)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2-2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 375*

Prepare rigatoni according to package directions.

Meanwhile, cut chicken up into small, bite-sized pieces and cook (in a bit of olive oil) just until all sides are white. Set aside.

In the same pan, add more oil and sweat the onions until they soften and become translucent. Set aside.

Drain chopped spinach well, pressing between paper towels or squeezing with your hands.

Stir rigatoni, spinach, chicken, diced tomatoes, cream cheese, salt and peppertogether. Spoon mixture into baking dish, pressing down and sprinkle evenly with shredded mozzarella cheese.

Bake, covered, at 375* for 25 minutes. Uncover and bake 10 minutes more or until bubbly.

Serves 4 to 6.

I took the advice of the original author and served this with a green salad and some garlic bread.

Yum, it was sooo delicious!

Copy Cat

I saw this on another women's blog and I thought it could be interesting...

I am: a mother, companion, artist, photographer, & crafter.

I think: too long and hard about things like childbirth and child rearing.

I know: how to make delicious breakfast casserole and chocolate chip cookies.

I want: to have another baby and a quaint wedding.

I have: so many things to be happy and feel blessed about.

I wish: my daughter would stop growing up.

I hate: when people don't understand natural living, especially natural childbirth.

I miss: babywearing.

I fear: never having another baby.

I feel: loved.

I hear: football.

I smell: the cinnamon in my shampoo.

I crave: lovin'.

I search: for good deals, crafting ideas, and recipes.

I wonder: when I'll get pregnant or married.

I regret: not having a natural childbirth and not breastfeeding. Read more.

I love: Madelyn, Daniel, my friends, my photography, my art, my crafts...and my kitchen. The internet, too.

I ache: in my belly.

I care about: natural living, natural childbirth, my family, my friends, my art.

I always: get backaches.

I am not: fake.

I believe: that love is always the answer and that you need to trust the process.

I dance: with my daughter around our house to songs like this.

I sing: really bad.

I don't always: exhibit patience.

I fight: when you disrespect me or are ignorant or hurt someone else.

I write: daily.

I win: at this game of life. Remember??

I lose: my clothes.

I never: want to live with regrets.

I confuse: people because I talk so much.

I listen: to everything.

I can usually be found: riiiight here.

I am scared: of snakes, deer, and people dying.

I need: my family, my friends, my art.

I am happy about: sooo many things.

Songs I love

Lyrics-

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

This isn't the actual video...can't find it...but here is one "version" I like anyways:

I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between needs a retention

I see you right in front of me as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave this daydream yet

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

I don't have to worry anymore
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection

I see it right in front of me
A vision in my head
And I know this is as real as a daydream gets

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

You make no sound but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends
Like the sea
Like you for me

And it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

My Idea Of Heaven


I never thought I'd get here
I was so far away
I didn't believe in love
Thought it was just a game people play
Everything changed when I met you
I touched your hand
You took my heart
And you led me to a better place
Just the two of us in the dark

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do

I never thought you'd get here
Why'd you make me wait?
But when I looked into your eyes
I recognized you were my fate
I'd been living in a lonely shell
With no windows to the world
How in God's name did you find
the lone star's loneliest girl?

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

In Heaven love is everywhere
There is no pain there are no tears
In Heaven love lasts forever
It doesn't disappear

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you

Cat Food Peppers

Note to self: Don't cook "stuffed green peppers" in the crock pot.

Ugghh...my belly aches.

I made 3 stuffed peppers last night and threw them into the crock in the fridge. I popped them in the warmer part this morning. I thought I was reaaaal slick prepping dinner like that since I had to work until 5 today.

*Gag*

The peppers are COMPLETE mush, bitter, and the meat...oh goodness. I feel like I just ate cat food. And the most bizarre thing?? It's all sticking to my teeth like cheap gum!! What in the world!!!

So...note to self...and to everyone else. Cook them in the oven. Or brown the meat first.

Yikes. This is one dinner that DEF. should have turned itself into take-out.

Cooking

I have been baking almost all day...

I have made the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I've ever had, pumpkin bread, and banana bread. I'm not really sure why...the cookies were worth it but I don't feel like eating the rest.

I'm such a dork.

Kristin was baking across the hall, too. We bake "together" but not really together; it's fun. She's like me and has a super-stocked kitchen (Seriously, we may be considered "hoarders" by the government!!)...however she has something I don't have much of: spices! Well, when it came to the part of my pumpkin bread recipe where I add in a teaspoon of this spice, and a teaspoon of that spice, there I stood in front of my spice cupboard on my tippy-toes wondering what the heck I was going to do. I stood with a giant jar of ground cinnamon in one hand, allspice and pumpkin pie spice in the other. I pondered. And then grabbed my 1/2 teaspoon and 1/4 teaspoon and walked the 5 feet to Kristin's. I knew she'd be there for me, as always. She "borrowed" me the necessary nutmeg and clove and I went back the 5 feet to my apartment. I turned the knob. Locked. Balancing two measuring spoons full of spices in one hand, I tried to "coach" my mischievous little daughter through unlocking the door she had just locked. Needless to say, she did figure it out and let me in. Sheeesh....I think I'll be giving Kristin a spare key. I know I'll need it again.

In other news, I started my "Project 365" yesterday and well...I'm out of ideas. What the heck?? I took two photos this morning, both of which I like but they don't have the feel I'd like and don't describe the day I've had. We'll see...

Anyhoo....Would you like to make amazing chocolate chip cookies, too?? Here is the recipe:

Ingredients~

2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Directions~

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended.
Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy.
Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended.
Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon.
Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time onto the prepared cookie sheets.
Cookies should be about 3 inches apart.
Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted.
Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

They're SO tasty. Mine turned out huge but that's okay. The edges are nice and crisp while the insides are soft and chewy. This is def. my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe. Yay!

Smiley Soup

I was really grumpy today...until my soup smiled at me. I guess things will be okay after all.

And the ONLY reason I have a picture of my smiling soup is because my camera is always near me...and I can shoot left handed. Hehehe.

Pita Bread

Pita Bread

Whoop for me I made something from scratch!!
If you remember from this blog, "I want to cook all my meals from scratch and forget McDonald's existed. I want to cook better." Today I decided that I needed to do it...and today was the day! I found the recipe here. I loooove this blog. I've also made their pumpkin bread and while it didn't turn out as pretty as theirs, it sure was tasty and moist!!! YUM!

Back to the pitas, though. It was SO simple!! Madelyn had so much fun helping me with it all!! My nudist child insisted on wearing nothing but an apron...and I suppose that's okay.

If you're interested, head over to their blog and snag the recipe. I plan to make this weekly for breakfasts (stuff them with eggs) and lunches (stuff with sandwich ingredients, salads, etc.) They are GREAT!

Here are some more pictures from the day. I love taking pictures of my food...the "Bread and honey" girls would understand...hehe

A Song for Mady

There is a new commercial for the 'wedding' episode of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" as well as for their Monday night "family" lineup...and there is a very catchy tune in the background. Since the first time I listened to it...I knew I was in love.

After some quick searching, I hunted it down. Yup...this is my song with Madelyn.

I am such a dork!

Beautiful Life
by Fisher

Hey child up and go
-Big world is out there waiting for us to
live in every day

Outside you will find
there is love all around you
-Takes you, makes you wanna' say

That it's a beautiful life
and it's a beautiful world
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here, to be here

The sky's blue
-just us two
Side by side we'll see the world
that surrounds us
-Hey, seize the day

Each road - every mile's a photograph in motion
to astound us, carry us away

into a beautiful life
'Cause it's a beautiful world
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here

Leave all your cares behind you
The sun is rising
Turn around -it's right in front of you
and it's a beautiful life
and it's a beautiful time
to be here, to be here, to be here

Beautiful Life - Fisher

True to YOU

Elle wants everyone to know:

"Follow your bliss, fill your cup, ENJOY WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE.

DON'T ARGUE.

Just LOVE you.

It's so easy, just ask ME! YOU are so EASY TO LOVE!"

Follow your bliss. Fill your cup. Enjoy who you are. Enjoy what you are. JUST LOVE YOU. It doesn't sound hard, now does it??? Since deciding to change over my life, I've been working on all those those messages and it's totally working. It hasn't been very easy but it's definitely helping me be a better person-the person I want to be.

*

I haven't spoken with my mother in one week. I miss her terribly bad and think about her constantly. My heart kind of aches because I'm not speaking with her but it's the fact that I doubt she's thinking of me as much that hurts...not the distance. While I don't plan on never talking to her again, I do plan on not allowing her to pull me down anymore. We are traveling down different paths and I love myself enough to accept that. I'm meant to be a mother, wife, artist, and birthing-obsessed women; she is not. Maybe someday we'll be able to travel down the paths together in peace and love. Maybe not. Either way, I'm trusting the process.

*

Same goes for my father. I love him with all my heart and always will. I will forever be thankful for the help and love he has given me. However, I love myself more. I have learned that we are two very different people and try as I might, I will never convince him I'm doing okay. I'm not the wealthy Republican daughter with a career. I'm the non-wealthy, non-political hippie-mom daughter with art infested life. I am not allowing his words to hurt me anymore. I'm not allowing him to bring me down. When he tells me I'm fat, I know I'm not. When he says I'm dumb for an idea, I know I'm not. When he tells me I'm wasting my time, I know I'm not. I'm making my life what I want it to be.

I am ME.

And I'm winning this game and I'm my own sort of successful. Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, that I'm not the daughter you asked for.

No, wait, I'm NOT sorry. I'm not sorry for following my bliss, filling my cup, enjoying who I am, enjoying what I am and just loving me.

...This is your loss.

Blessing??

1. My daughter telling me how much she loves me.

Maddy: *With arms thrown around my neck from the recliner behind me* "I love you MOM!"

Me: *With arms reaching behind to hug this adorable little creature I made* "I love you MADDY!"

Maddy: *From under her breathe and resumed position in her chair* "I love you MORE"

She is just so damn precious.

2. For my chiropractor.

Thanks, Mr. Dorn for the wonderful relief of the throbbing pain in my neck. Lets work on my upper back tomorrow, k??

3. For needlefelting.

4. For my wonderful Mom-in-law who truely understands and accepts me.

She is so helpful, so understanding, so respectful, so accepting. She loves and accepts me for ME.

5. For the massage I'm going to get when Dan gets home.

And Madelyn, "I love YOU MORE"

Dying Wool

With my newfound love of needlefelting, came a love for all things wool. I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! It still makes me itch but I'm still so in love! This love included dying. From the moment my "wool lady" told me I would have to dye it myself I was a mix of emotions: excitement over saying I did everything involved in the felting process (minus the raising and harvesting of the sheep/wool), apprehension over renting an apartment with white counters, sinks, walls, and flooring and curiousity over the concept of dying wool with Kool-aid. Emotions aside, I began my adventure. I went to the grocery store and grabbed 2 packets of each flavor...and threw it into my cart with nothing but all natural and organic foods. The checker thought I was crazy...I could see it in her eyes. "I'm dying wool, I wouldn't really use this for consumption!" I said with a giggle. She still thought I was crazy...

So, there I was in the middle of my kitchen....staring at a bajillion envelopes of artifical coloring...I mean Kool-aid.

Wool in one hand, and cookware in the other I winged it. I had read a handful of articles on how to accomplish this task but they were all so different so I winged it. And it worked!!!

Step #1:
Soak your wool in water. I used a "neutral" temperatured water for fear of felting. I left it sit in there for around 15 minutes.



Step #2:
I added 2 packets of Kool-aid into my glass "noodle-pot" and filled it up with water. One article mentioned it didn't matter the ratio of water to Kool-aid and that it mattered the ratio of Kool-aid to wool. This made sense to me and it worked out well. I put the concoction on the stove, added a blob or two of wool and stirred it around. I kept the water scalding hot, but not boiling for the entire process. It "sets" the dye from my understanding-and you do NOT need to use vinegar as the kool-aid has enough acid in it.




...And watched it. And watched it. And watched it. And watched it.
And the water around the wool went clear!!!

Step #3:
I drained the water and put the sopping wet wool into a metal bowl. After about 5 minutes I added water a little bit cooler than the wool itself (for fear of felting, again) and swooshed it around. The water continued to be clear when I squeezed the wool!! After a few rinsings I set my wool, spread out a bit, into the nearby dishpan.



Step #4:
I moved the wool to a towel on my kitchen table and continued to dry it. I pressed it down every now and then (taking GREAT care not to rub it at all...for fear of felting)



IT WORKED!!
I was so proud of myself!! I've been felting Madelyn little gnome or elf things with my dyed wool... and I'm so happy with the results!!

Here are some more pictures from my experience:


Black Cherry


I pulled out some of the "grape" wool early and some color did come out in the water...but the final color was just what I wanted.


I had Kool-aid envelopes all over the place.


I started to get better at dying more than one...hehe

Needlefelting

Today I was able to get in touch with the wonderful lady who is going to supply me with my wool. I'm SO pleased to be able to begin crafting the raw material into beautiful little foods, animals and dolls. I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!!

There is something very, very soothing about needlefelting. I haven't figured out if it's because it's a sculptural (is that even a word???) art....an art that I completely crave but am worthless at?? Or is it because it is very natural and waldorf-y? Is it because I can make precious little moms nursing and wearing their children?? Is it the cuteness of it all? The softness? Is it the repetitive jabbing into something that is calming? What about the pretty colors? The intense concentration I am able to give it. Is it all of that in a too-adorable-for-words fur sculpture?? That must be it!

I would really like to finish a precious collection of foods, dolls and a few treasures for my beautiful daughter by Christmas. I think there is no better gift than one made with love, and what's better than a mother's love?? Speaking of love, and making things with love, I would really like to see an Etsy store open up in my future to sell the before-mentioned needlefelted creations. I want to share them with people and spread the...love.

"Sell your ideas - they are totally acceptable."
...Apparently and iGoogle "Fortune Cookie" agrees! (Sweet!)

♥
♥
♥

I'm continuing to think about the situations I'm in with my parents...namely my mother. We haven't spoken since I hung up on her that day....Thursday or Friday maybe? That's a long time for us.

I'm just at a loss. I'm so tired of living my life the way she would want me to. I'm so tired of trying to make her happy when she must not be happy with herself. I want to live my life for me! I want to do what I want to make me happy. I only live once.

I want to be the mother of many children.
I want to be a wife.
I want to be an artist and photographer.
I want to craft, create and teach.
I want to learn.
I want to speak my mind, and be heard.
I want to nurture, and love.

I want to do these things for me. For my happiness. This is my bliss...and I'm going to follow it because, remember,

I'M WINNING AT THIS GAME OF LIFE.

I researched a bit more about becoming a doula. It is solidifying my goals in my head and I am able to sort through what sorts of "services" I think I might enjoy offering. Massage and postpartum care are definites!

I think I'd like to have one more baby before I make the leap and begin my studies. I feel there are no better ways to learn something, than to do it yourself. Not to mention, I don't want to feel the guilt and tension between my relationship with Baby and being a doula. I know I will make a great doula, whether I start tomorrow or in a few years. I'm really looking forward to that as well!!!

Hmmm....I think that's just about it for the day. I have a big day tomorrow, so I'm off to bed.

With Love,
Emily

PostSecret.....my secret

Have you ever heard of PostSecret? I came across it when I first watched the All American Reject's song, "Dirty Little Secrets".
For your listening enjoyment:


I love this art project (and that song...I bet you would too!!!

Mr. Frank Warren has a few books:
My Secret
The Secret Lives of Men and Women
A Lifetime of Secrets
PostSecret: Extraordinary Secrets from Extraordinary Lives (Out Nov. 4th!!)

I highly recommend you take a look. I find that these books leave you with a handful emotions but most of all, you realize you are not alone. We all have our secrets, we all have our quirks. We are all different and that's okay!

Here are a few:

On the back of this card it reads: "Fuck it. I'm going to apply to Art School. You only live once."

Position the dotted box over the person you want to tag. Resize the box by dragging the borders to frame the person's face. Type their name in the input box to the right, select the appropriate person, and we'll make a link to their profile!

In this photo:

Find PostSecret here and here and here.