Screw You Christmas

Okay, while this is going to sound like I am angry at the world (and maybe I am) I don't know what else to do. I feel like I need to vent. Too many people keep asking me what I want for Christmas and while I appreciate the thought and all...

...I don't know what to tell you.

I'm sure I would scare you if I told you what I really want.

I want more love. More happiness. Just smile. I'm so freakin' sick and tired of people acting like their lives really suck just as much as the next person. Because they don't.

This little child's life sucks.

You have so much. APPRECIATE IT. Realize what you have and make the best of it. And if your life really does suck as much as some of you act-change it. Venting is one thing, whining is annoying.

I want people to take the extra 2 seconds to RECYCLE. If I have to pull one more recyclable out of the garbage-especially in MY home because some of you people are SO FUCKING LAZY I may just hit you with it. (Do you understand friends of Dan?!?!?!)

I want my daughter to go one day without pitching a fit, and for her to still be small enough to breastfeed, babywear, and co sleep. I want her to stay this little forever. I never want her to feel pain, see me fight with Dan, and to experience pure joy every day of her life. I want her to tell me, "I love you" every single minute of every day. I want the moment where we are laying in bed together, snuggled close to never end. I want her to put her hand on my cheek and tell me, "Momma, you so cute" just one more time. I never want her to question whether or not I love her with every fiber of my being. I never want to think she is anything but first on my list.

I want one day with Dan, and to be unimaginably happy all day with him. To have him not leave for Nick/Pat/WHOEVER THE FUCK HE GOES AND SEES, one fucking day. And for him to actually be happy he is with me. To act like this family is what he wants. I just want him to be happy...and for him to do housework without being asked 15 times.

I want someone to call my home phone NOT looking for Dan, NOT trying to sell me something, NOT looking for Cathrine Abooda.

I want one day at work where all my customers leave happy, my boss is happy and all us coworkers get along beautifully with no frustrations and grudges.

I want my house to clean itself one day. Just give me a break for one day. No overflowing garbage, clean dishes, no clutter, clean floors. Just a break, one day.

I want the hours in the day to be extended to 30. Seriously. There are never enough hours. I want more.

I want my Betta fish to look more healthy....and for them to feed themselves and clean their own containers. And for the cats to do the same.

I want a house for my family. I want them to have the beautiful homes I see in the Waldorf books and on the different blogs. The ones with vintage fabrics, handmade toys...lots of room to grow, learn, and change. To have a garden, compost pile, worm box, and room to stretch my legs. I want a swing. And a banging wall for my children.



I want to have the room to do the crafts my mind imagines. To have brightly painted walls, with murals. I want to give my 2 year old a paint brush and ask her to paint her wall. She deserves these things, I deserve these things.

I want some sheep. I'm not kidding. And with the sheep, I want a yarn spinning thingy majigger, a great supply of felting needles, foam hunks, dyes, knitting needles. And the 30 hours a day to do all this fiber art stuff.

About 3 more arms and a stretchy body to be in more places at once would be super, as well.

I want to spend the day with the friends I haven't seen in so long. I want to have the time and energy to call my best friends and talk for an hour every single night about our days. I miss my Wednesdays with Coley, and I want more time with Kristin. More time to take pictures just because we can. I want to spend the day at the Renn Faire with Alex like the other times, playing Mancala.

I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to homeschool my Mady and to spend my days playing dolls, dress up, kitchen and finger painting. I want to wake up to her smiling face everyday and know what we have the entire day ahead to play. Inside, outside, at the table, in the woods...anywhere because it's just us two and we have all the time we need. The time that she needs.

I want someone to just drop a baby (or kid of ANY age) off at my door and say they're all mine to love, cherish, educate and raise. I don't even care who they are or what they want or need. I just want more children to love and mother. I can't sleep at night I want more children so bad. Foster, adopt, fall from the sky, I don't care. I wish adoption wasn't about money. SO many kids without homes....and I can't even help them, I can't love them and give them a home. Even though I'm not alone, I feel like no other person on this earth has wanted to surround herself with children as much as I do right this minute.

I want someone close to me to NOT have a C-Section....instead, a homebirth, a completely natural birth. I want someone around me to NOT look at me like I just ate a worm when I mention Lotus birth. I want someone to get it. I feel like no one close to me gets it. Someone pleeease get it.

I want people to stop ignoring the fact that global warming does exist. I want people to do their part. This is my daughter's world-your children's world-that YOU are fucking up. Yes, YOU do make a difference. Each day it becomes more difficult to not say something when people ignorantly say, "yeah, like one bag or bottle makes a difference." Okay....we'll ALL just use 1 bag.........that's a lot of freakin' bags. Just stop already. It's not hard to "live green".

I want people to stop acting so stupid when I offer a solution as far as healthy products....don't mock me for my all natural cleaning products and soaps. YOU are the one putting something that has been proven more than one time to harm you on your largest organ. And NO, just because the FDA or whoever approves of it, doesn't mean it's safe. I do it because I care about you, not to be a bitch. And if it's about money....that's crap because 1 bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap is lasting me forever and Lush shampoo bars last for months. And vinegar and baking soda are DIRT CHEAP.

I want Prairie Hill Waldorf school to NOT be $7,000 a year so that I would have half-starve to send my kids there. I would never forgive myself to not respect them enough to send them to what I feel is by far the best possible place to grow and mature into an adult. So I wish they would just lower their price.

Scratch that last one, I want ALL SCHOOLS to become Waldorf schools. Period.

I want organic food to be the only food variety.

I want cigarettes and alcohol to GO AWAY. And for them to leave the lives of my loved ones.

I want everyone to believe in Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, elves, gnomes, and St. Nick because life is serious enough....can't we have SOME fun and SOME imagination in our lives???? And I don't want anyone to piss in my daughter's I-Believe-In-Santa-Cheerios. It's more than just pretend...it's faith.

I want my mother in law to stop shoving her Mormon-ism down my baby's throat. I'm Wiccan....knock it off. I'm glad my kid tells you, "Soon. Eat First." when you ask her to pray over her food. And on this topic, I want Dan to cleanse his body of the frustrations, regrets, angers, and angst he feels towards religion and let me raise my daughter as the Wiccan I want her to be.

I want people to stop killing people in the name of their religion and for the seperation between us all to go away. And I want the ridiculous misconceptions of Wicca to disappear. I'm SO tired of hiding my religion because I'm just too tired to fight back. I don't worship the devil, I don't have a wand or a broom. I don't fly, make "brews" or eat small children. And YES, I celebrate Christmas and Easter.

I want world peace.

End world hunger.

I want the war to stop.

And for people to be nice to each other. Smile. Remember, LOVE IS THE ANSWER.

And I want gay marriage to be legal and for all you closed minded jackass's to step in dog poop. Marriage is about LOVE, not gender.

I want my parents to get along, and to forgive them for the pain I went through during THEIR divorce. I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce...and I was the one who suffered the most. I want my heart to repair itself so I can stop thinking about it.

I want to rewind time and hug my dog one more time before he died. Or, better yet, I want him to live forever.

I want the people in my live to just forgive me already for becoming a mom so young. This was my destiny...sorry I fucked up YOUR life so much. I still don't get it.

I don't want to be so flippin' tired everyday. Or to be able to nap.

And lastly, I want that bullshit bill about toys and lead to go away. I want to sell my felted things to families so their children can love them as much as mine does. ...And there is NO LEAD in them, thank you very much. (Because remember, I'm going to have my own sheep and I will ensure they aren't lead sheep. I promise.)

There you go. THAT'S what I want for Christmas.

Better get shopping.

MY kind of holiday poem

Twas the Night Before Solstice
By Kristie Burns
http://www.thedreamangels.com/
http://www.earthschooling.com/

'Twas the night before Solstice
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even our pet mouse

Knitted wool stockings
were hung with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there

The children were tucked
in organic cotton sheets,
The air filter blocking
pollution from the streets.

While mama stayed up
to make handmade gifts
I co-slept with the kids
and watched auras shift.

When out in the herb garden
arose such a clatter
I sprung out of our futon
to see what was the matter!

Away to the solar panels
I flew like a flash.
They took me hours to install,
I hoped they hadn't crashed.

The crystals we'd laid out
to absorb the moonlight
Sparkled like fairydust
and blocked my sight.

When, what to my
wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh
without any reindeer.

At that moment I knew
that the little old man
Had received my last letter
so bold and so grand

Could you stop using reindeer?
Last year I wrote him,
And enclosed
with the note a PETA pin.

As he neared the house
in his all-wooden sleigh
I noticed it was powered
by wheatgrass and hay.

Ostheimer! Kinderkram!
Stockmar! Fair Trade!
Don't bother landing
if the toys aren't handmade!

"Hey Arriana," I called
to my wife with chagrin,"
With that body mass
do you think he's vegetarian?"

She paused only a moment
from her crafting and said,
"One moment dear!
I'm shaping this gol-darn Waldorf doll's head!"

On our roof I strained
to hear the ole boy
But I'd recently
insulated it with soy.

So I drew in my hand
and was turning around,
When in through the front door
came St. Nick with a bound.

The Advent wreath
had caught in his hair
As I said, "Why in the world
did you enter from THERE?"

The soot in your chimney
contains poisons galore.
You should consider
the environment more.

But he was dressed in fur
from his head to his foot
So I said, "Look whose
talking about my soot!"

A bundle of felt he had
flung on his back.
"I hope you like handiwork,"
he said with a laugh.

His eyes - how they twinkled!
His dimples were treats!
His cheeks reminded me
of when I dye silk with beets.

He must be of the
choleric type I mused.
It's a good thing with
lavender the stockings I infused.

With his fur boots
he slipped on the bamboo wood floor.
I offered him Arnica and
then closed the front door.

After all that I'd paid
to the energy company this year
I didn't want one bit of
that cold air in here.

He had a broad face
and a little round belly
I asked him,
"Have you seen your naturopath lately?"

He was so chubby and plump
I worried for his health
But I laughed when I saw him
in spite of myself.

He spoke not a word,
but went straight to task,
Needle-felting dragons
and weaving a mask.

He knitted a pure cotton sweater
and two pairs of mittens,
Then picked up a knife
and carved 2 wood kittens.

He finger-knitted
an entire nativity scene.
With the most amazing skill
I'd ever seen!

When he sprang
from his seat on the floor and arose
I yelled, "Arianna - watch -
there he goes!"

With the unfinished doll
she was struggling to sew,
Arriana went to watch
him out the window.

And I heard him exclaim
as he drove out of sight!"
Arriana, my dear,
the stiches are too tight!"